Monday, February 28, 2011


Our vacation was just what I needed... although I am not sure 2 weeks with a toddler and no childcare is really much of a "vacation"... ;) Smoosh picked up a bug and woke up at 5am every day, wouldn't take a nap except in the car, and tried his best to destroy everything in his path. Still, it was wonderful. I tore through the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and it's successor, played on the beach, went out for a romantic Valentine's dinner with DH, a wild martini night with my sister, and my parents got to spend lots of time with the babe.

I am doing fine with the M/C I think, although it is hard re-adjusting everything in my mind. Even though I was only PG for a few weeks, I had a whole version of what the rest of the year, the summer, our LIFE was going to look like. I won't be PG at the river this summer or at my BFs wedding, I won't have kids 2 years apart. I don't need to start looking for baby swings or researching cloth diapering again.

Monday, February 7, 2011


I woke up Sunday from a horrible dream. I was chasing after one of my clients, a young girl who recently had a miscarriage (in real life) and I realized I was bleeding. I went to the bathroom and there was red blood. I wasn't really surprised. I went back to bed and told my husband and cried for awhile and went back to sleep. When I woke up in the AM, we went to the ER. They did an exam and found the cervix open, did blood work and found I was still PG, did an ultrasound and found the baby only measuring around 5 weeks and no heartbeat. I had to have a rogan shot since I am 0- blood, and went home with a prescription for some pain pills and an order of bed rest for 2 days. I am supposed to have my betas done again in 48 hours to confirm.

The hospital was clean and nice DH and DS were able to hang out with me and watch HGTV. But, I am a little confused as to why I had to have a horrible internal exam and get scraped and swabbed when they could and were going to just look with the u/s anyway, And who cares about my betas anymore if there is no heartbeat? My first appointment is already scheduled for tomorrow, so I guess I need to inform them that the situation has changed. If they had listened to me last week, would any of this be any better? I guess not. We will see what happens tomorrow. I am praying that I don't need a D&C.

Mentally, I am fine. The pregnancy wasn't planned and I the timing wasn't great. Emotionally, it is another story. However, with something like 20% of pregnancies not making it past the 1st trimester, I kind of feel like it is a common rite of passage of womanhood that I am going through and I will be stronger in the end.

We leave for the Caribbean on Thursday. Perfect timing for big dinners with my family, running on the beach with DS, and some alone time with DH - which will now include NON virgin pina coladas. And there, my friends, is the silver lining.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

No Symptoms :/

SO I have kind of been freaking out. I have no symptoms to speak of. No sore breasts, my stomach is now totally flat (not bloated at all which it was when I first tested), no nausea, not particularly starving. I am tired, but that may be because I switched to de-caff/ half-caff. I told DH about my concerns and he insisted I call the Dr office to see if I can get some kind of check before next week. The receptionist put me on with the nurse who said there was nothing they could do before 8 weeks, except a blood test which would be the same as a HPT. Really? I know I have heard ladies on the boards talking about getting beta's and levels and numbers doubling to confirm everything is OK. I know I am not high risk, so I don't deserve any special treatment or anything, but I a pretty sure they could check somehow. I guess I just wait until another week and hope I just having a very easy pregnancy so far. I know they are all different, I was just SO sick with DS by this time.

I wrote this the other day then decided to post it to the boards instead. After encouragement from lots of girls with no symptoms, I calmed down a bit. Still, feeling a little nervous. Oh well.