Intuition

I woke up Sunday from a horrible dream. I was chasing after one of my clients, a young girl who recently had a miscarriage (in real life) and I realized I was bleeding. I went to the bathroom and there was red blood. I wasn't really surprised. I went back to bed and told my husband and cried for awhile and went back to sleep. When I woke up in the AM, we went to the ER. They did an exam and found the cervix open, did blood work and found I was still PG, did an ultrasound and found the baby only measuring around 5 weeks and no heartbeat. I had to have a rogan shot since I am 0- blood, and went home with a prescription for some pain pills and an order of bed rest for 2 days. I am supposed to have my betas done again in 48 hours to confirm.

The hospital was clean and nice DH and DS were able to hang out with me and watch HGTV. But, I am a little confused as to why I had to have a horrible internal exam and get scraped and swabbed when they could and were going to just look with the u/s anyway, And who cares about my betas anymore if there is no heartbeat? My first appointment is already scheduled for tomorrow, so I guess I need to inform them that the situation has changed. If they had listened to me last week, would any of this be any better? I guess not. We will see what happens tomorrow. I am praying that I don't need a D&C.

Mentally, I am fine. The pregnancy wasn't planned and I the timing wasn't great. Emotionally, it is another story. However, with something like 20% of pregnancies not making it past the 1st trimester, I kind of feel like it is a common rite of passage of womanhood that I am going through and I will be stronger in the end.

We leave for the Caribbean on Thursday. Perfect timing for big dinners with my family, running on the beach with DS, and some alone time with DH - which will now include NON virgin pina coladas. And there, my friends, is the silver lining.